Lights! Camera! Action!

It's Tuesday, once again, and everybody knows what that means, right?

Um, no. This is a blog, not a bakery. There is no cake here.



I thought that was pretty self-explanatory. No. Cake.

Why would I inflict my kitchen skills on you?


So did anybody catch the Oscars? Or, were you like me and just watched the red carpet arrivals and made fun of the dresses before ignoring the actual show?

Speaking of making fun of the dresses. . .



Does Dakota Johnson not own a mirror? How did she go from this two years ago. . .



. . .to this two nights ago?



I just don't get it. Did she join the Duggar cult? Did she raid an old Gunne Sax warehouse? Was the costume designer of Little House on the Prairie having a sale? I mean. . .

That was just heinous. And which meathead decided to bring back old granny dresses from the 1970s? It was bad enough I had to live through it the first time around. And y'all can just put away your pitchforks, I'm entitled to my opinion, just like she's entitled to wear that monstrosity.

Anyway, since the Oscars happened this weekend, I decided to make the blog about Actorward this week. What better time, right?


I decided to try to read three stories that I had never read before for the blog, but that just didn't work out. I'm in the middle of one that I'm enjoying, I finished another one, but just couldn't manage the third, so I'm going use one that I've read a couple of times in the past.

First up, This Is My Wish by ericastwilight. (I wanted to get the hard one out of the way, right away.)

Summary: Dear Wishes for You, My name is Riley Biers and I'm nine years old. Soon, very soon I'll leave behind my mom because I have terminal cancer. I write to you today and this is my wish...

I'll start this out by saying that I've wanted to read This Is My Wish for a while now, but have always heard that it's really sad so it's a tough read. I'm here to tell you, every bit of that is true, and then some.

There are frequent tissue warnings. At one point, the author recommends an entire box, but I think you should probably invest in a case and be done with it for this story.

It's true, I was afraid of it for a long time, but now that I've read it I can tell you: It was excruciating and beautiful, sad and hilarious, heart-breaking and soul-nourishing. Often, all within the same chapter. I was in tears many times during my time reading this story, but it was worth every tear shed, every instance of heartbreak, every moment of pain.
In short, it's pure magic.


This is my wish can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6482817/1/This-is-My-Wish
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The story that I'm in the middle of reading is called Letter From the Heartland by FilineIsFun.

Summary: Edward is a movie star struggling with his fame. Bella is a Midwestern girl and busy college student. The two strike up an unlikely friendship after E receives a fan letter from B that forces him to confront his Hollywood demons. The friendship gets complicated when phone calls are no longer enough for the actor and romantic feelings start to become real.

I have to say I'm really enjoying this story. As the summary says, Edward is having a hard time with his fame. He's going down the path of the typical Hollywood bad boy. Drinking, getting into fights, etc. When he gets home from the afterparty following his latest movie premiere, he is totally wasted and totally hating his life. He's even considering heavy drug use to forget how unhappy he is.

But then he goes through his fan mail and finds a letter that is very different from the fawning letters he is used to getting. The young woman who wrote this one conveys that while she loves him, she is starting to worry about him because of the choices he is making. She basically chastises him for being a bad boy and this gets his attention.

She included her phone number in the letter along with an invitation to call her anytime he just wants to talk, so he takes her up on the offer. To say that she was shocked and disbelieving when he tells her who he is is an understatement, but eventually, he gets her to believe him and an unconventional friendship begins.

It's not long before they both start feeling more for each other, and they struggle with those feelings because they don't see how it can work out between them. She lives in Texas and has no wish to be part of the Hollywood scene, and that's where he lives and works.

As I said before, I'm only about halfway through the story, so I don't know how it ends, but I'm enjoying it very much, so far. This isn't your typical Hollywood story, full of the glitz and glamor and the fairytale wrapped up in a neat little bow. Edward is very lonely and unhappy at the beginning of the story. And while he has a few setbacks along the way, his outlook is improving.


Letter From the Heartland can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10725288/1/Letter-From-the-Heartland

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As for the third story I want to rec this week, it's a set of stories by nolebucgrl called Words With Friends/Words With Strangers.

Words With Friends is from Bella's point of view and Words With Strangers is from Edward's point of view.

Words With Friends Summary: Bella Swan has a major crush on a major star, Edward Cullen. They have an obsession with the same game. Can they connect through Words with Friends and become more than that? 

Words With Strangers Summary: EPOV Companion Piece to Words with Friends. Movie star Edward Cullen is done with women and focused on his career. A stranger reaches out to him via Words with Friends. Will her words change his mind?

I just love these two fics. They're funny and goofy and disarming and full of all the fairytale aspects you want in a fluffy story about Actorward and his Bella. And all of the Cullen men in this story are wonderful. When they find their 'ONE' they go all out to get her, and Edward is no exception.

One night, Alice and Bella are watching an interview their favorite movie star, Edward Cullen is giving on a late night show. He mentions that he loves playing Words With Friends and Bella and Alice set out to find him through that medium. Alice tries by using the name of his action movie character and Bella tries through using the name of his favorite cartoon character and favorite number. 

Of course, both of them think they have the right man, but which one?




Words With Friends can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6910604/1/Words-with-Friends

And Words With Strangers can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7176635/1/Words-with-Strangers

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So, was it as good for you as it was for me?

And, just out of curiosity, are there any themes or genres you would like me to feature in the future? 



Oh, this gif makes me giddy. It's been so long since I've used an Avengers gif.



But seriously, if there's something you would like to see me cover, let me know. Until then, I'm gonna. . .

You Poor Fuckers, What Are You Gonna Do Now?

I only ask that because I just figured something out about this blog that makes me insanely giddy. . .


. . .and more than likely it will drive you all bonkers.



No, not exactly, but I you're probably not going to appreciate this as much as I do.

Do you want to know what it is? Well, do ya?



I just figured out I can add video!

If you thought I used too many GIFs before, look out. I have only begun to annoy you!

So, this is the new toy you can expect to see me play with from here on out.




If only I had discovered this last week. I could have used this video instead of the animated GIF so you could get the full, true effect of my son trying to get the couch up the stairs of my apartment building.

Now just imagine this in last week's blog. 



When I finished writing last week's blog it was my intention to re-read one of the stories I recommended because it had been a while and I wanted to see how it ended. I think that if you all read my previous blogs you'll recall how my intentions work out for me.

 

Exactly!

What did happen is I started planning this week's blog. Bet you can't guess what happened when I started making plans, can you?

I decided to make the blog this week about vamp fic where Edward loses his control and bites Bella right away and I found a trilogy that starts with that, and a different story to use (but y'all will probably come at me with your torches and pitchforks for it). . .



I found a couple of WIPs that I seriously devoured the available posted chapters of, like Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S devours food. . .

. . .and decided that they have to be in this week's blog, instead.

So, hopefully, nothing derails my plan to do a blog about Edward going crazy and biting Bella next week.

Anyway, the two WIPs that I ran across this week that totally messed up my awesome plan for this week are extremely different but really, really good.

The first story that made me rethink my plan for the blog this week is called May 8th by dustybritches01.

Summary: He stood below my window, a stranger, yet so heart-known; destined to return to me every May 8th.


This fic is so different from anything I've ever read, and I toyed with the idea of including it in a blog about space travel stories, but I just wanted to get this out there so everyone will see it.

When Bella is about 5 or 6 she is in a car accident that kills both her parents. She is rescued by Edward. He saves her life and stays with her until emergency personnel can get to her; then he disappears.

Every year on the anniversary of that day, her Uncle Charlie and Aunt Renée take her to the cemetery to visit her parents' graves. And every year she feels the presence of the man she was told is imaginary.

Three years after the night the accident happened, Edward reveals himself to her at school and leaves her a gift in her room.

She doesn't see him every year, but she always feels his presence on that day. And every year, their feelings for each other grow. First, a fierce, heartfelt friendship. Eventually, as Bella gets older, they realize they love each other.

I won't go into any more of the story so you can discover this gem of a story for yourself. But, if you love otherworldly tales of love and devotion, do yourself a favor and check out May 8th.



May 8th can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11511479/1/May-8th
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The second story to make me abandon my plan for this week's blog is called Forged By Fire by Sunshine1220.

Summary: We rose from the ashes of their man-made disaster and became stronger, drawing our strength from where we've been and what we've seen. This is our world now, and they can't take it from us.
This story is just eleven chapters in and updates weekly, but I only discovered it yesterday and read all of the available chapters (ten of them) in something like an hour.

In Forged By Fire, an influenza pandemic unleashed by the government as a means of population control wipes out most of the world's human inhabitants. Those who survive the disease are rendered infertile, so are the people who received an emergency vaccine which quickly ran out.

The people who are left either live on their own off the grid or in camps and settlements. However, the population has been decimated. Living in fear that someone from their community will be stolen and experimented on by the government.

For the settlement where Bella lives, which is near Seattle, the population started at 35 in the beginning but is over 500 now. Bella has just turned 18 and has lived there since she was three. There is housing for everyone. They work together to grow their own food, herbs for medicines and make their own clothing. Their settlement is close-knit and everyone looks out for each other.

Edward lives in a camp near Chicago. His world is very different than Bella's. He's lived there since he was three when his parents moved to Chicago just after Edward's cousin, Alice, was born. He lost his parents to the flu when he was six. His friend's parents took him in and raised them in a camper at the camp outside of Chicago.

In this camp, it's everyone for themselves. Nobody really willingly helps anyone else. When Edward overhears something he knows he shouldn't have, he decides to leave Chicago and go to the settlement where his aunt, uncle, and cousin live.

It takes Edward and the rest of the people who travel with him five months to reach the Washington settlement, but when they do, they are welcomed and absorbed into the community. Given places to live, food to eat and jobs to do.

Edward and Bella meet on his first full day there, and they start seeing each other soon after.

This story is extremely well-written and I what to know what happens next so much that I volunteered to pre-read. Luckily, Sunshine said yes.

 

Forged By Fire can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12271735/1/Forged-By-Fire

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I didn't actually have a third story to rec this week until about 20 minutes ago. Lo and behold, I found a link to a story on SunflowerFran's Pay It Forward facebook page and I can tell you that now I do.

It's called One Last Chance Revisited by RMacaroni.

Summary: Your chance to give One Last Chance another chance! What happens when you risk everything for one last chance? A chance at greatness. A chance at love.
It turns out that this story started as original fiction that the author posted on fanfiction.net, but had very few readers. She decided to change it to a Twilight fanfic and I'm so happy she did. Otherwise, I might have never discovered this terrific story.

Bella, a master's student in Germany, is dating Emmett, a pro-soccer player in a German town a couple of hours away. Edward is his best friend and totally in love with Bella. 

You see, Edward met Bella first, right before a soccer game when he and Emmett were just starting out on their team. He met Bella, played his match and while he was showering, Emmett met Bella too, so Edward stepped back and let Emmett have her. Until he couldn't any longer.

Four years later and Edward is still in love with her, but Emmett isn't treating Bella as good as he should, and Edward's been noticing and says something to both Emmett and Bella about it.

A few weeks go by and Bella sees an interview that Emmett gives where he says that his girlfriend doesn't get in the way of his career so he's doing great and she realizes that he won't ever put her first so she decides to leave him.

She and Edward struggle with their feelings for each other, because neither of them wants to hurt Emmett. But Edward already knows he loves her and Bella is starting to realize she has feelings for Edward, too.

Emmett finally starts noticing what's going on around him and realizes they have feelings for each other and reassures both of them that he is fine with them being together.

Throughout the story, Edward is dealing with a hip injury that gives him tremendous pain but he is delaying the surgery he needs until after the season is over because the team doesn't have anyone else who plays his position and they are a contender to win their league's championship.

This story is a WIP but the author says the final chapter will be posted on Thursday. I can tell you that I really liked it because I read all 31 posted chapters and 78,000+ words in five hours this afternoon and evening.

There's no banner picture for One Last Chance - Revisited so here's a hot picture of David Beckham because. . . well just look at him! RAWR!!!

One Last Chance - Revisited can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12218155/1/One-Last-Chance-Revisited

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Well, this brings another week of Smut Sluts and Angst Whores to a close. I have yet another migraine and I wish I had the money to buy myself a surefire 'herbal' remedy. Is it legal? No. But. . .

Remember that old saying. . .

. . .I mean, it's five o'clock somewhere? Well, weed is legal somewhere, too, dammit!

Since I don't have any of the devil's lettuce, I'll just have to ask my daughter the age old question. . .



See you next week!

I'm Here, I'm Dressed, What More Do You Want?

Yes, it's Tuesday once again and I'm back with more drivel from my life and stuff like that. I usually have other stuff to do here but for the life of me, I can't remember what that is right now.

I moved into my new place this weekend and, as we all know, moving sucks. We couldn't get my new used couch in by going up the stairs. . .



so my son and brother (who are beasts, BEASTS, I tell you) threw it up on the deck and brought it in through the patio door. That was fun.





I couldn't move without wanting to kill myself for two days, I swear. And I didn't even do any of the heavy-lifting. I'm a petite, delicate flower, you know.



The new place isn't much but I don't have to pay utilities so I can afford to keep my cable and internet, at least. Does that mak you happy?



There is not ONE carpet or rug in this place, so the new carpet cleaner I bought in December will do me a lot of good. I used it ONCE. I didn't even do a full room with it.




Cuz, that's how my luck is, yo.

I ended up selling it to my son for less than what I paid for it and told my son the rest of the purchase price was my birthday gift to him.



Sometimes, a broke ass bitch gotta do what a broke ass bitch gotta do.

So, it's Tuesday again, and I finally remembered what usually happens on Tuesday. . .





I give you funny GIFs and fic recs (which may or may not be funny but you get the point). And I totally delivered on the funny GIFs, right? Here come the recs!



First up, the girls in the Mafiaward twilight fanfiction group over on Facebook are doing a read-along of Grand by CaraNo.

Summary: A mafia tale about love, loyalty, betrayal and family. Told in three parts: Grand Tale, Grand Vendetta, and Grand Finale. We’ll begin in 1975 and follow a family through the MGM Grand fire, the Dunes implosion, and the opening of Mandalay Bay.

This was my second time reading Grand and while I liked it, it's not my favorite mobfic by CaraNo. That distinction belongs to This Life (which I have yet to rec here, but I will because Whistler (Edward, for those of you who haven't read it) owns me).

I gotta say, sometimes I just don't like Juniuh (again, Edward, for those of you who haven't read it) very much.

I know. I KNOW, all right? Edward does no wrong. He's supposed to be the end-all, be-all of leading men in every story we read.

Anyway, Grand starts out in 1975, but it may as well be 1955 for Edward and Bella in this story. Bella is a stripper in a club owned by the son of mafia boss, Carlisle Colucci. Edward comes to the club to get his mind off the fact that he has been ordered by Carlisle to marry a senator's daughter he barely knows and doesn't love.

He meets and has sex with Bella and decides to make her his mistress after the honeymoon. This is good for Bella because she is taking care of her brother Jasper's children, Nicola and Lucia, and Edward has agreed to give her a condo to live in and pay all the bills for her, and she doesn't have to work any longer.

That being said, both Juniuh and Hummingbird act as if it's 1955 rather than 1975. In 1955, a man was very much the king of his castle, and in those days men got rough with their women and it was just a part of life. This is why I don't like Edward very much in this story. However, this only happens in a couple of different scenes of the story and he does receive repercussions from those acts of violence against Bella. One of their sons also gets rough with his wife in a later chapter, and he is dealt with, as well.
So, I forgive him for what he did to make me not like him. I mean if his Hummingbird can forgive him for the fucked up shit he did, who am I not to, right?

The story is good, the characters are believable for the era and situations in which the story is set and I did enjoy reading it. If you love Mobward, this is a good story to read.

Grand can be found here:

https://caranofiction.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/grand-trilogy-by-carano.pdf

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The next story I have for you is Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel.
Summary: Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results?

I enjoyed this story very much. It's very much an AU story, and the events of Twilight, etc, do not happen.

Bella is at the end of her college career when she is offered a job working as the personal assistant of Edward Cullen, CEO of Pacific Northwest Trust. What Bella doesn't know is that Edward is also a vampire determined to protect the humans who live in Seattle from other vampires.

James is a vampire who heard urban legends of a vampire who stopped other vampires from feeding in the city he lives in and decided to investigate. Once he finds out that those legends are true, James decides to stop Edward because he won't be told where he can feed.

So James begins to stalk Edward. He finds out everything he can about him, everything he can about the Cullen family, who Edward hasn't lived with in over 20 years.

James decides to make Edward come after him by going after anyone even remotely associated with Edward. Enter Bella. Edward decides he must protect her right after he makes her so angry with him that she quits.

In the process of protecting her, he falls in love with her and decides to make her his, in whatever way he can. At one point, he decides that her being with him will only get her killed and tries to break up with her, but by this point, she's just as in love with him and won't let him.

The final confrontation comes and of course, James is defeated, but not without mortally wounding Bella. 

The story is great, nothing from Twilight happens and it is so AU that Charlie and Renee have lived in Phoenix all Bella's life and have never lived in Forks. The wolf pack comes into play, but not in any major way.

Edward is awkward and stilted in his interactions with Bella. He's a hoarder but dresses really well, so Bella initially thinks he's gay. He lets her go on thinking that until Alice exposes his lie to Bella.

Pretty much the only thing about Bella that this story borrows from Twilight is her clumsiness. She's got a backbone, though, and has no problem whatsoever with giving Mr. Cullen a piece of her mind when it's warranted.

I really enjoyed this story and I think you will, too, if you're looking for a good AU fic.

Creature of Habit can be found here:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4769414/1/Creature-of-Habit

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The third story I have for you this week is called Shadow Mission by maxigrumpling.

Summary: Actor Edward Cullen is rich, famous & sexy as hell. There's just one fly in the ointment. He can't keep the other personalities in his head straight. Emmett, his bodyguard, needs help sorting his charge out. Enter his 'crew', Alice the hacker, Jasper his second, Rose the shrink...and Bella, the girl who's father gave his life to protect Edward's. If only he remembered why.

I absolutely loved Shadow Mission the first time I read it. A couple of years went by and I read it again, not remembering it just from the summary. I absolutely loved Shadow Mission the second time I read it. Neither of those time, however, was Shadow Mission complete. But it finally is, and I'm going to re-read it again, tonight.

Edward Cullen is an actor who has gone through a traumatic experience, but he doesn't remember it. Because of this trauma, his mind has decided that he is James Goodall, the James Bond-meets-John McClane hero of the Shadow Mission series of action movies. And that's just one of the personalities he acquired after that traumatic experience.

Bella Swan is Charlie Swan's daughter. Charlie was the bodyguard of Edward Cullen until Charlie was killed while protecting him.

All Bella wants is to find out what happened to Charlie, but after it happened, Edward Cullen disappeared and became other people. People who just don't have the answers that Bella is looking for. 

The people who have the answers Bella is looking for are the reason for Charlie's death, but they also hold sway over Edward's life and do their utmost to keep her away from him. In fact, they will stop at nothing to keep the circumstances surrounding Charlie's death shrouded in mystery.

I don't remember all the details of the story, which is why I'm looking forward to reading it again. But I do remember that I almost cried when I got to the end of the posted chapters and realized it wasn't finished the second time I read it. I can't wait to find out what happens!

Shadow Mission can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10937150/1/Shadow-Mission

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That's it for this week, people. I have people to do and things to see. . .

wait, that should be I have things to do and people to see. If I had people to do my kitty wouldn't need to resort to doing this to entertain itself. . .


You're looking at me like this, aren't you?



TMI?


Probably, based on Miley's reaction here.


Anyway, I've gotta make like a baby and head out. See ya next week.