I'm Here, I'm Dressed, What More Do You Want?

Yes, it's Tuesday once again and I'm back with more drivel from my life and stuff like that. I usually have other stuff to do here but for the life of me, I can't remember what that is right now.

I moved into my new place this weekend and, as we all know, moving sucks. We couldn't get my new used couch in by going up the stairs. . .



so my son and brother (who are beasts, BEASTS, I tell you) threw it up on the deck and brought it in through the patio door. That was fun.





I couldn't move without wanting to kill myself for two days, I swear. And I didn't even do any of the heavy-lifting. I'm a petite, delicate flower, you know.



The new place isn't much but I don't have to pay utilities so I can afford to keep my cable and internet, at least. Does that mak you happy?



There is not ONE carpet or rug in this place, so the new carpet cleaner I bought in December will do me a lot of good. I used it ONCE. I didn't even do a full room with it.




Cuz, that's how my luck is, yo.

I ended up selling it to my son for less than what I paid for it and told my son the rest of the purchase price was my birthday gift to him.



Sometimes, a broke ass bitch gotta do what a broke ass bitch gotta do.

So, it's Tuesday again, and I finally remembered what usually happens on Tuesday. . .





I give you funny GIFs and fic recs (which may or may not be funny but you get the point). And I totally delivered on the funny GIFs, right? Here come the recs!



First up, the girls in the Mafiaward twilight fanfiction group over on Facebook are doing a read-along of Grand by CaraNo.

Summary: A mafia tale about love, loyalty, betrayal and family. Told in three parts: Grand Tale, Grand Vendetta, and Grand Finale. We’ll begin in 1975 and follow a family through the MGM Grand fire, the Dunes implosion, and the opening of Mandalay Bay.

This was my second time reading Grand and while I liked it, it's not my favorite mobfic by CaraNo. That distinction belongs to This Life (which I have yet to rec here, but I will because Whistler (Edward, for those of you who haven't read it) owns me).

I gotta say, sometimes I just don't like Juniuh (again, Edward, for those of you who haven't read it) very much.

I know. I KNOW, all right? Edward does no wrong. He's supposed to be the end-all, be-all of leading men in every story we read.

Anyway, Grand starts out in 1975, but it may as well be 1955 for Edward and Bella in this story. Bella is a stripper in a club owned by the son of mafia boss, Carlisle Colucci. Edward comes to the club to get his mind off the fact that he has been ordered by Carlisle to marry a senator's daughter he barely knows and doesn't love.

He meets and has sex with Bella and decides to make her his mistress after the honeymoon. This is good for Bella because she is taking care of her brother Jasper's children, Nicola and Lucia, and Edward has agreed to give her a condo to live in and pay all the bills for her, and she doesn't have to work any longer.

That being said, both Juniuh and Hummingbird act as if it's 1955 rather than 1975. In 1955, a man was very much the king of his castle, and in those days men got rough with their women and it was just a part of life. This is why I don't like Edward very much in this story. However, this only happens in a couple of different scenes of the story and he does receive repercussions from those acts of violence against Bella. One of their sons also gets rough with his wife in a later chapter, and he is dealt with, as well.
So, I forgive him for what he did to make me not like him. I mean if his Hummingbird can forgive him for the fucked up shit he did, who am I not to, right?

The story is good, the characters are believable for the era and situations in which the story is set and I did enjoy reading it. If you love Mobward, this is a good story to read.

Grand can be found here:

https://caranofiction.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/grand-trilogy-by-carano.pdf

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The next story I have for you is Creature of Habit by EZRocksAngel.
Summary: Bella begins working for the elusive and distant Edward Cullen who she discovers is hiding behind an elaborate charade to maintain his secret lifestyle. Bella is determined to find out the mysteries of Edward Cullen but with what results?

I enjoyed this story very much. It's very much an AU story, and the events of Twilight, etc, do not happen.

Bella is at the end of her college career when she is offered a job working as the personal assistant of Edward Cullen, CEO of Pacific Northwest Trust. What Bella doesn't know is that Edward is also a vampire determined to protect the humans who live in Seattle from other vampires.

James is a vampire who heard urban legends of a vampire who stopped other vampires from feeding in the city he lives in and decided to investigate. Once he finds out that those legends are true, James decides to stop Edward because he won't be told where he can feed.

So James begins to stalk Edward. He finds out everything he can about him, everything he can about the Cullen family, who Edward hasn't lived with in over 20 years.

James decides to make Edward come after him by going after anyone even remotely associated with Edward. Enter Bella. Edward decides he must protect her right after he makes her so angry with him that she quits.

In the process of protecting her, he falls in love with her and decides to make her his, in whatever way he can. At one point, he decides that her being with him will only get her killed and tries to break up with her, but by this point, she's just as in love with him and won't let him.

The final confrontation comes and of course, James is defeated, but not without mortally wounding Bella. 

The story is great, nothing from Twilight happens and it is so AU that Charlie and Renee have lived in Phoenix all Bella's life and have never lived in Forks. The wolf pack comes into play, but not in any major way.

Edward is awkward and stilted in his interactions with Bella. He's a hoarder but dresses really well, so Bella initially thinks he's gay. He lets her go on thinking that until Alice exposes his lie to Bella.

Pretty much the only thing about Bella that this story borrows from Twilight is her clumsiness. She's got a backbone, though, and has no problem whatsoever with giving Mr. Cullen a piece of her mind when it's warranted.

I really enjoyed this story and I think you will, too, if you're looking for a good AU fic.

Creature of Habit can be found here:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4769414/1/Creature-of-Habit

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The third story I have for you this week is called Shadow Mission by maxigrumpling.

Summary: Actor Edward Cullen is rich, famous & sexy as hell. There's just one fly in the ointment. He can't keep the other personalities in his head straight. Emmett, his bodyguard, needs help sorting his charge out. Enter his 'crew', Alice the hacker, Jasper his second, Rose the shrink...and Bella, the girl who's father gave his life to protect Edward's. If only he remembered why.

I absolutely loved Shadow Mission the first time I read it. A couple of years went by and I read it again, not remembering it just from the summary. I absolutely loved Shadow Mission the second time I read it. Neither of those time, however, was Shadow Mission complete. But it finally is, and I'm going to re-read it again, tonight.

Edward Cullen is an actor who has gone through a traumatic experience, but he doesn't remember it. Because of this trauma, his mind has decided that he is James Goodall, the James Bond-meets-John McClane hero of the Shadow Mission series of action movies. And that's just one of the personalities he acquired after that traumatic experience.

Bella Swan is Charlie Swan's daughter. Charlie was the bodyguard of Edward Cullen until Charlie was killed while protecting him.

All Bella wants is to find out what happened to Charlie, but after it happened, Edward Cullen disappeared and became other people. People who just don't have the answers that Bella is looking for. 

The people who have the answers Bella is looking for are the reason for Charlie's death, but they also hold sway over Edward's life and do their utmost to keep her away from him. In fact, they will stop at nothing to keep the circumstances surrounding Charlie's death shrouded in mystery.

I don't remember all the details of the story, which is why I'm looking forward to reading it again. But I do remember that I almost cried when I got to the end of the posted chapters and realized it wasn't finished the second time I read it. I can't wait to find out what happens!

Shadow Mission can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10937150/1/Shadow-Mission

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That's it for this week, people. I have people to do and things to see. . .

wait, that should be I have things to do and people to see. If I had people to do my kitty wouldn't need to resort to doing this to entertain itself. . .


You're looking at me like this, aren't you?



TMI?


Probably, based on Miley's reaction here.


Anyway, I've gotta make like a baby and head out. See ya next week.