Don't Take Me To Jail, But. . .

I have a confession to make. . .

Sometimes, when I can’t find any good, active-on-fic-sites, stories that grab my attention. . .

I read pulled fanfics. There, I said it.

I have thousands of fics saved to my computer. When I come across a downloadable fic file, if I find out it’s been pulled, it gives me a little thrill to save it. If I read it, it’s an even bigger thrill. But, if it’s pulled and published. . . well, that’s just the biggest thrill of them all. And. . .

Nope. I’m not sorry at all. In my humble opinion, once a fic has been on the internet and available for free, it should always be. That being said, I do purchase some of the stories that are published, whether I intend to read them or not. And yes, I have purchased these pulled and reworked-for-publishing stories and not read them. I also know that doing that is pretty much just throwing my money away. But it’s my money to throw away, right?

Not really. I don’t have any money to throw, and if I did, I wouldn’t actually throw it away. I just like to support authors who are good to their fans.

Disclaimer: If an author is a heinous beast who treats their readers badly in any way, shape or form, not only do I not purchase their published work, I hand out copies of their pulled work like tic-tacs.



Authors pull their stories for as many different reasons as there are fics. They might pull the story because they decided to re-work it so that it’s no longer considered a Twilight story and can be published as original fiction. If you can make money off of your work, that’s great.

Some authors pull their stories because they were flamed by reviewers. Let’s face it. . . some of you bitches can be brutal. But then again, some authors are really sensitive and just can’t take any kind of criticism, so while I hate that authors get flamed, I think it incredibly unfair that they decide to punish the flamers by pulling their stories.

I get being hurt and discouraged because of mean people, but why punish those of us who enjoy your work? I mean, if you get ten good reviews and one really mean one, does that one really mean review negate the good ones?

No matter which reason an author chooses to remove their works from online publishing sites such as fanfiction.net or TWCS, they can’t control the fact that people are able to create PDF, epub and mobi files and save the fics they love while they area available on those sites. And because of sites like Perusing the Shelves, readers are able to upload those fics they deemed save-worthy. And that’s just awesome!

Because, when I find out an author pulled a fic, I get a little obsessed with getting my hands on it. And when I say a little obsessed, I mean I go on a never-ending quest to find it. I ask around in all the Facebook groups. I Google for it. If it’s out there, I’m going to find it. I’m like this guy. . .



. . .and once I have it in my hot little hand, or saved to my computer, whichever. . . I feel like, “Who found it?”



And when I have a fic that someone else is looking for, I feel like. . .

Wait. . . that’s the Avengers. What am I thinking? I’m not one of earth’s mightiest heroes. But if I was, I would totally want to be Black Widow. She’s badass!

My point is that I feel really good when I find an illicit copy of a pulled fic and I feel even better when I can give them to other people who are looking for them. But when I can’t find them I feel like Loki after. . .



So tell me, do you have a list of favorite pulled fics? If so, I’d love to hear which ones made it to your top ten. If you have something I haven’t read, I’ll read it and review it in a future blog. That would be cool, right?



Anyway, sorry to interrupt your week with this unscheduled blog post. We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

See you next Tuesday!

Our First Guest Star!

Greetings and salutations all you fanciers of fine fanfic! How the hell are ya? I've been doing this a month now, can you believe it?

I'm so happy, I just figured out that I could use voice typing to get this bad boy out.

Better buckle up, I can be a wordy bitch when I want to be!

So, this week I haven’t read that much and I don’t really have any recs for you.

I know, I’m sorry. I was just so pissed because when I tried to post last week’s blog it kept changing the damn formatting on me! But the good news is that I finally get to live up to having a guest reviewer write up some recommendations for my blog. Betcha thought it would never happen, huh?

So, without further ado,  allow me to introduce to you Miss Lara Poe Norman, AKA: MeteorOnAMoonlessNight.  She's an author for whom I beta. (Psssst! She doesn’t really need me. I hardly ever have to correct anything for her.) She has either written or is in the process of writing 4 different fics: Angry All the Time, (Un)Requited, Ex Delicto, and Jack & Crush. She's got mad skillz, yo!

So, I hope you enjoy the recs to follow. Lara, take it away!

Complete

Someone mentioned their favorite line from this fic on Facebook, and I found myself curious. It's well worth the read, but it is no walk in the park. Without spoiling it for you, something terrible happens to Edward. We’re taken on the journey of Bella as a teenager, trying to cope with what happened and live her life through her grief. Then we’re shown how hard it is for Edward to live through what happened; how he copes when he can't live his old life but he can't live in his own skin. Well written but a tear jerker, this story really affected me while I was reading it.

The Consequence of Miracles

By: Travis Birkenstock

Sometimes, the miracles we plead for come at a terrible price. AH, dark subject matter.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10348853/1/The-Consequence-of-Miracles

Channel Five was written for the Dirty Talkin’ Edward contest, and it won 8, count them, 8, awards. There is no doubt as to why when you get started on this story where Bella is filling in as a flight attendant on a private plane for the elusive owner of a Fortune 500 company. When Edward starts talking in her ear piece on channel five, they go from playful banter to dirty talk over the course of the 13-hour flight. Planet Blue scores again.

Channel Five:

A private plane. A velvet voice. A seduction miles above ground. Contest entry for the Dirty Talkin' Edward Contest

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9575490/1/Channel-Five

Arbitratrix Diaboli is a set of three one-shots. Isabella is a creature above vampires, created by the devil himself. She has incredible powers, and she takes what she wants, and who she wants. Each section follows the choices she makes, thinking she doesn't need or want a mate. Until she meets human Edward, that is.

Arbitratrix Diaboli

By: LadyHazelK

A 3-Shot. Three short stories that tie together to tell you about the Devil's Mistress and her eternal life as the first night creature. Despite her many creations and lovers, none were worthy enough to stay… except one. Dark Vampella & eventual Dark Vampward. Rated M for non-canon/canon lemons, blood/dark themes.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12094971/1/Arbitratrix-Diaboli

WIP

This fic was the first place public vote in the Control, Possess, Seduce contest. Mountaintop76 has continued this story, and we find a strong, smart Bella who is trying not to drown in her need to be close to her boss. She has expanded this story in a direction I didn't see it going, and I get excited every time it updates. Plus, she's started outtakes in Edward's POV.

Bella lives for her morning elevator ride, and the sexy stranger she shares it with, but what will happen one night when she works late? Contest entry for the Control. Possess. Seduce. Contest.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11837135/1/The-Man-in-the-Elevator

What can I say about Final Destination? It's Edward’s Eternal, so we know it's good. Edward and Bella meet at the airport when their planes are stranded in a snowstorm, and their final destinations change as they try to forge a relationship. Only a few chapters in, and you can't help but love this sweet, lost Edward and strong, supportive Bella. Edward is learning what true family is all about as he meets Bella's friends and neighbors.  

Two lost, lonely people traveling to different destinations. One storm that brings them together. Could their meeting alter their final destination?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12128224/1/Final-Destination

So? What d'ya think? I thought. . .

Seriously, the girl recommended some good fics! I’ve read them all (except for one) and I love them. So I want everybody to give a big round of applause to Lara, AKA: MeteorOnAMoonlessNight, for doing my dirty work for me.

Lara, I want to thank you for your recommendations. But more than that, I just want to say how much I enjoy being your beta bitch and prereader extraordinaire. . . well, you’ve called me a bitch before but I know you totally meant the rest of it.

So that’s it for this week. Come back next week and I’ll show you a cool trick!

Happy Tuesday all you beautiful people! How the hell are ya? You feel good? Everything all right?



I swear I had a plan for today's blog. A theme, if you will. But, just now, I decided to scrap it and go in a completely different direction. You don't mind, do you?



Dang! I'm sorry, okay?



Anyway. . . as I said before, I had a theme for the blog today, but I scrapped it. I had originally intended to play with one-shots, but the friend who was going to play with me today had some real-life suckage (let's give her our positive mojo, shall we?) over the weekend and I had to make like a Marine. Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

(Not an animated gif. I'm really sad about that.)



I've decided to devote this week's Tuesday Temptations to what those of us who have been reading fanfiction long enough to understand the shorthand we use call WIPs. For those of you who have just discovered the wonderful world of fanfiction and may not understand the shorthand, WIP means work in progress.

Ah, the work in progress. . . before we go on, I have a public service announcement, a word of warning for you. Especially for all you newbies out there.



If you want to save your sanity, if you really can't live with cliffhangers that may never be resolved, or you can't take angst, or you just hate waiting. . .
  
For the love of God, check that the story is complete before you start reading it!

You can ask any fanfiction reader who has been reading for more than a couple of months and they can tell you about a story that pissed them off or broke their heart. A tale of reading through twenty-two chapters and 300,468 words, only to come to the end of the posted chapters and it's been three years since the story updated. . . AND IT'S NOT OVER!!!!

Let's just say that it's enough to make you go from this. . .




to this. . .





in less time than it took Edward to cross that icy parking lot and leave it at that, okay?

Now that I have properly warned you, in progress stories can also be like little surprises that come to you every day, depending on how many WIPs you follow and how often they update. And, let me just tell you that when you're following a story and the author is reliable and updates when he or she (let's face it, fanfiction, especially Twilight fanfiction is largely written by and for women) says she will, and that update comes in on schedule and puts you out of your misery from that cliffhanger last week. . . well, it's just a beautiful thing.




So, for those of you who are brave enough to do it and like reading WIPs, this blog's for you!

First up, I just started reading this story yesterday, and it's only five chapters in, including the prologue, but I'm hooked.
It's called The Devil's Plan and it's written by ruinedbyrob. I've read one other story by her and it was fantastic so I'm sure that this one will be, as well. She's a great writer.


The Devil's Plan can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12154644/1/The-Devil-s-Plan
Summary: Banned from Heaven for thinking himself above God, Lucifer bides his time searching for a way to gain his reentry into Heaven and taking the throne of God for himself. He has waited centuries for the one he needs to be born. The lives of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are about to be changed forever, if they are not strong enough for the fight ahead, mankind will pay the price. Bella Swan and Alice Brandon are two best friends who go to Forks High School. Bella lives alone with her father Charlie because her mother abandoned them when she was around three years old. Now that Bella's a teenager, Charlie works nights a lot and Bella is always alone outside of school. Alice tries to be there for Bella, but her mom won't allow Bella to come over after school more than once a month.

Emmett and Edward Cullen are two brothers who move to Forks with their parents after Edward does something that disgraces the family. It hasn't been revealed what that was, but it has to do with his mother's friend Tanya and sex. Emmett is angry about having to move and hates Edward enough to never be in the same room with him because of it.

Jasper and Rosalie Hale are twins who just moved to Forks, as well. However, they are more than what they appear to be. They are really working for Lucifer, to find the prophesied humans who will help him escape from Hell and return to Heaven. 

Jasper and Rosalie set their sights on Edward just as soon as they find him. They are willing to use anything or anyone to achieve their objective. Because if they don't, they will suffer the wrath of Lucifer himself.



The next WIP I'm going to recommend today is called, Uncredited and can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12022822/1/Uncredited

Summary: Steal: to take (another person's property) without permission or legal right and without intending to return it, to dishonestly pass off (another person's ideas) as one's own, or to take the opportunity to give or share (a kiss) when it is not expected or when people are not watching.

Uncredited is a great story, although I'm really ambivalent about how much I am enjoying it. It's extremely well-written, and the author, shouldbecleaning, has been taking a lot of heat from me, and I imagine other people, over this Edward.



And, people, I hate, I mean HATE to hate Edward. I haven't hated any Edward so much since I read Dusty.

Disclaimer: I hate the fic, Dusty, with the burning intensity of a thousand fiery suns and except for the fact that it's really well written and keeps you reading (in my case, it was only with the futile hope that the characters would redeem themselves in some way),  I will never, ever willingly say anything nice about it.

Uncredited starts with a prologue where Edward is contemplating how he's gotten to the point he's at. He remembers all the terrible things he's done and feels extreme guilt for them. Because the things he's done are truly horrible.
He has a really successful band you see and all of the members think that Edward wrote the songs. He didn't, at least, not by himself.

There are other things going on that make me hate Edward in this story. That's why I'm ambivalent about liking the story; because I really hate it when I can't like or love Edward. And in this story, I just can't. At least, not from what has been shown of how he treated Bella, so far. And at this point, I'm not sure there is going to be a way to ever care about him.

In any case, it's still a great story and you should really check it out. Fans of Dusty will probably love it. I just can't wholeheartedly love it, at least not right now.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I can't find a banner for Uncredited so I'm just gonna give you a little yummy Rob goodness. . .



The last story I'm going to delve into tonight is going to be a departure from all the gloom and heavy of the previous two mentioned stories. I just can't take all the angst, yo! So the last story for tonight is MVP by AKABrattyVamp, which can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12084328/1/MVP

Summary: "Baseball is 90% mental, and the other half is physical." -Yogi Berra

MVP starts out with a misunderstanding between our favorite couple, so they get off to a rather rocky start. It's really just a misunderstanding on Edward's part. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

The story starts out with Bella going to a job interview. She outside of the office building where the interview is being held, when a small child drops a cup in which he's holding a bunch of bouncy balls.

There are thirteen of the balls, according to the child, and his caretaker is able to find all but one. Bella saw where it went so she decided to retrieve it for the boy and his caregiver. It had rolled underneath a rather nice car parked in front of the building. Bella was on her hands and knees bent over trying to reach for the ball, and the owner of the car came up behind her and demanded to know what she was doing. She told him she was looking for number thirteen and smiled at him.

The man was not impressed by this and frowned and walked away from her. Our plucky Bella shook it off, gave number thirteen to back to the boy and went in for her interview. She was to interview for the job of house manager for a client she didn't know the identity of. When she got into her interview, the man from outside was the person for whom Bella would work, Edward Cullen.

Turns out, Edward is a professional baseball player and his number is thirteen, so he assumed that Bella was a baseball groupie. Because of this, he vehemently refused to let the interview continue and she left. On her way out, she walked into the child's caregiver from before, who really liked Bella. Betcha can't guess who's sister she is and betcha can't guess who offered Bella that same job?

The story is light (so far) and fun and it's a blast to read. I can't wait for the next chapter to post.




So that's it for this week all you fic hotties out there!!!

I'll be back next week with another Tuesday Temptations. Until then, don't do anything I wouldn't do and. . .

  . .

Hello, sluts and whores. You know who you are, and so does your conscience.



So, since I never have any takers on the guest recs front, I'm going to go with recommending the entire body of an author's work.

A-hem. Listen closely people, I'm about to drop a truth-bomb on you. . .

LyricalKris can do no wrong.



There, I've said it; out loud for all of my tens (I've had twenty-four page views today, October 9, 2016, so I'm very hopeful) of readers to read. It's out there on the interwebs, now. And I hope that everyone who reads this decides to give the Stories of LyricalKris a chance.

https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1914450/LyricalKris

I'm going to give you all several reasons for my recommendation of Kris' stories, the first of which is that Kris can write anything. She has written stories for four different fandoms:  Twilight, Harry Potter, Supernatural and Captain America. 'ship the Stucky! 'SHIP IT!



(The blog author wants to let you know that while she 'ships the Stucky and always will, she is still #TeamIronMan all the way.)



Still, we're not gathered here today for this thing called the Captain America fandom, either. (RIP Prince)

I know what you're thinking, too many GIFs, right?



You can never have too many GIFs.

Seriously, though, Kris is an amazing author. Her way with words is unparalleled. Just this afternoon, with the latest update of her soon-to-be-finished story, Playing Cops & Vloggers, she brought me to flailing hands, trying to keep the tears from flowing and happy, Alice Cullen-style jumpy claps.



https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11841147/1/Playing-Cops-and-Vloggers

So you're standing in line for coffee, minding your own business when a sexy cop with nerdy tattoos walks into your life. Soon, you have yourself a sexy, nerdy cop boyfriend who rocks your world. Cops can't be seen on social media, did you know that? Bella didn't. That was going to be a challenge considering she made her living as a vlogger who documented her so-called nerdy life.



What can I say to you about this story that will make you just stop reading here (wait, do I really want you to do that?) and run to read Playing Cops & Vloggers? Hmmmm?

So there's this girl, and she's quirky and geeky and fun. . . and she meets this guy, who is sexy and nerdy and just as much fun, but he can't be seen having fun on social media because of his job. They spend the majority of the story navigating around the landmines associated with keeping him away from her job and her from showing him during the times she's doing her job.

They also spend their time making delicious banter and being delightfully nerdy with each other. I really, truly love the nerdgasms that are brought with this story.

Playing Cops & Vloggers is a fun story to read, but don't let that stop you if you are a lover of angst because there is plenty of angst to be had with this story. While it's not the total angst-fest that Kris' story, Nightmare Before Christmas is (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10792152/1/Nightmare-Before-Christmas), there is still angst to be had. And oh, what delicious angst it is. For those of you who don't read WIPs, Kris said in her A/N today that she thinks she will have this wrapped up in one or two chapters, so you have something new to look forward to.

The next story I'd like to rec for you today, is very near and dear to my heart. This story is where I discovered how truly profound Kris' gift is:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7942495/1/My-Biggest-Mistake-My-Greatest-Salvation

Edward has spent all of his thirty-two years trying to be the man his grandfather raised him to be. When he wakes up married to a young, scared, pregnant stranger, this is one mistake he won't leave in Vegas.



Edward his lived his entire life to please the most awful person in the world, his grandfather, Edward Cullen the First. It seems that Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme caught pregnant with him when they were just fifteen years old. Edward the First convinced them they were too young; unfit to raise a baby and to give the baby to him to raise. Poor Edward.

Bella was running from a recent past that would try to rain hell down on her once it caught up to her, especially since she was pregnant with that person's child. When Edward drunkenly proposed to her in Vegas, she thought he was the answer to her prayers.

When they woke up the next day, Bella expected Edward to be angry with her, but he's not. He offers her the chance to escape the escape the man from her recent past and stay married to him while she goes to school or works.

There are confrontations between members of Edward's family and Bella, and his grandfather is livid when Edward stands up to him for the first time in his life, but things start to go well for them until Edward's grandfather cuts him off from the Cullen family fortunes. However, Edward has made a fortune in his own right, so don't worry about those crazy kids.

My Biggest Mistake, My Greatest Salvation is a story where Bella gets her guy and Edward gets to rescue his girl. There is an HEA with lots of angst in the way of getting you there, but it's worth it.

Kris' words from this story are tattooed on my upper arm. The full line goes. . . Maybe that's what loneliness was, the quiet nameless ache of a soul looking for its lost half. (I have everything after the comma in my tattoo.)



I think of those words on an almost obsessive level. There hasn't been a day that's gone by since I first read those words, that I haven't thought about them and how well they illustrate the loneliness I feel in my life. And Kris voiced it perfectly.

My last rec for this week isn't for the faint of heart. Lost Half is dark, so dark that it could be an episode of Criminal Minds.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8390065/1/Lost-Half

Even though she kept her feet on the ground, Bella always wanted to believe in the magic of true love. Edward could have taught her that kind of love existed. Too bad he showed up too late. Can you still find your soul mate when your soul has been completely shattered?


Keeping in mind that it's been at least a couple of years since I've read this story, Lost Half is a study in what should be the best of circumstances leads to the worst things that can happen to a young woman.

Pressured by her friends into joining a computer dating site, Bella sets up a date with one of her matches. After the date, he kidnaps her and holds her prisoner.

The founder and CEO of the site, By the Numbers, feels strangely responsible. For Edward Cullen, it's as if he alone were responsible for the way Bella's night with Mike Newton turned out.

What follows is a story as compelling as it is offputting. I found myself both wanting to stop reading and to consume each word like a wildfire lays waste to a national forest.

The psychological trauma Bella endures is horrendous. The physical abuse she suffers is nauseating. The combination of the two breaks her in a way that is literally heartbreaking to witness.




Anyway, I think I have managed to give you three wonderful examples of LyricalKris' work. You really need to check her out, if you haven't already. She and her stories are gold.

That's it for this week's Tuesday Temptations, folks. Until next week, my lovelies. . .